But what to wear?

 

When confronted with this question countless times the answer is usually easy- a tee and shorts for most casual events but apparently the platitudinous ‘what to wear’ has now become something of an evaluation for me now that I’m a train crash away from thirty (13 months to be exact) and I feel like derailing my entire wardrobe…why did I ever buy those shoes? Just a quick glance at my shoe rack and I feel a mini panic attack coming on.

The outfits that I considered cute and sexy for many years looked dated on me, not because they were old but because I was. Not a jab at being old because this isn’t the age type of old I’m referring to, this is that feeling I get when I see myself reflected back in a micro mini and six inch heels. THAT sort of old feeling, some of you reading will identify immediately.. its just when you know you’ve not outgrown your clothes but you’ve outgrown your style.

I’ve found myself being attracted to all the clothes I would have scoffed at as a young adult; the longer hemlines, looser fits, brighter colours..wow..just colours, lol. At some point in my life I had come to accept the colour black as part of who I was,black was the colour and if it wasn’t black it was faded black, my second favourite colour. All things black including souls were very popular in the late 90s, 2000s.

The very idea that I would consider wearing light or brighter colours as part of my fashion style speaks volumes about the shift that I find myself experiencing in this area. For myself and many people, our clothes tell people a little bit ( or a lot ) about who we are without speaking to us. When strangers stand out in a crowd its often times because their outfits have that certain je ne sais quoi about them, it speaks to you without them having to. And they’re all saying different things.

 

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Some say ‘I like luxury’, some say ‘ I like attention’ while others like me were saying ‘I don’t really know if I want to be classy or I want to be trashy’, harsh? not even. My former style could be considered homeless at times. I loved to wear barely there shorts with barely there tops, a true reflection of what I was at that stage in my life – barely there. I was not in the best state that I could have been in mentally, emotionally and spiritually and without meaning to I dressed like I didn’t care  because I didn’t. I was going for the messy, sexy look but looking back it was undeniably more of a mess than anything else.

I’ve stopped trying to dress sexy because its already who I am not what I need to project. Sexy isn’t anything I could wear, sexy was something that came from the confidence within.  Sure someone could’ve told me that, I’m sure I’ve even read that in some women’s magazine testimonial or something but truthfully I had to  pillage through heaps of bad choices and outfits to personally understand the concept.

And while I maintain through exercise, a reasonably good shape, this doesn’t make me want to continue showing off six inches above my knees anymore. I’m certainly not judging anyone that does either but I do see now how style  evolves with  personal growth ; the internal influencing the material ….and not the other way around.

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